I have a lot of problems with people who walk on sidewalks.

I have a lot of problems with people who walk on sidewalks. Not everyone, of course, just the many who seem to not grasp that they aren’t the only ones who need to use the sidewalk.

These people seem to dilly-dally aimlessly, their eyes toward the clouds, with no particular place to be at any particular time, blissfully ignorant of those of us who are using the public thoroughfare to be somewhere we need to be at a certain time.

These people never have the courtesy to stay to the right side of the sidewalk when walking on a crowded concrete path. All manner of traffic could be whizzing by, and they’ll still act like you’re invisible as you attempt to navigate past them on the same narrow stretch of walkway. They either expect you to put life and limb at risk by stepping into the street, or they simply don’t see you, no matter how large or small of a person you are.

Usually this is because they are conversing with a friend or co-worker, engaged in some important conversation about “The Bachelorette” or some other shitty TV show.

Or maybe it’s an entire family, pushing a double stroller down the sidewalk and feeling the need to walk shoulder to shoulder, taking up the entire freaking pathway as they go on their lunchtime stroll. Even ducks have the common courtesy to make their brood walk behind them in single file!

Not these fucking people. Oh no, don’t expect them to yield a single inch of sidewalk to you so you can walk by. You need to stand in the street and wait for their majestic family to amble merrily by you. Stand in the street and face this glorious gaggle of humanity, peasant! Take off your hat and show some damn respect to them. For they own the sidewalk! You’re just a gutter dwelling piece of urban feces!